Maybe Baby

This baby is making me crazy!! And turning me into a hypochondriac. Every time I feel a pain I wonder if it's a REAL contraction or a Braxton Hicks (those always seem pretty 'real' to me!). Every time I leak something (and those of us who have kids know how often THAT happens) I wonder if it's my water leaking. I can never figure out when to call the doctor and when not to call the doctor, when to go in or not go in, when to wake up my husband, or call him at work, and when to just shut up, sit down, and stop being such a crazyperson.

ARG!

I mean, stuff is definately happening here. Last time I went into the doctor's office I was another 20% effaced (which makes me 3cm and 70% effaced), and the big news was that my cervix is now completely ripe. So I asked him when he thinks I'll have the baby. His response?

"Could be a week, could be two, or I could deliver you tonight and not raise an eyebrow."

Oh yeah, doc. Helpful. Thanks. That eases my mind and makes me less crazy about every tiny toe tingle I have. Hubby is particularly greatful-any excuse he can find to encourage my insanity, right?

On the more helpful side, doc says that if she doesn't manage to be born then if I'm still progressing he'll strip my membranes at my next appointment. If THAT doesn't work, he said he would (if we wanted to) give us an amnio to decide 100% that her lungs are mature and that if we had the results of that back he'd go ahead and induce! THANK GOD! Still....we're on the fence about doing an amnio, so we're thinking that one over a bit more. We're all for the membrane stripping though!

We do have some good news on the baby front. We had another ultrasound (to check her weight gain since I am now 25lbs under my prepregnancy weight) and she looks awesome. She's "breathing" consistantly now, which the tech said means that her lungs are almost definately mature, and her estimated weight is 6lbs 5oz. Considering that I won't even be 36 weeks until tomarrow that is ONE BIG BABY! Based on that ultrasound her estimated birth weight at full term could be anywhere between 8 and 9 pounds. I'm so glad though that she's getting everything she needs...even if I do have to wonder where she gets it from!

Come on baby come on!

Saturday Survival Tip: Time Management

Oh don't worry-not ACTUAL time management lessons...this is just about what I have been filling my time up with lately. So technically, I guess, it's about how NOT to manage your time.


Of course, one of my favorite ways to kill time is keeping up on my mommy blogs. Some of my faves this week were Helen talking about the omnipresence of moms (You know..."I know what you're doing young man, even when you can't see me...I am always lurking. Watching. Waiting. And I'll get you! Because I'm mom."), and DeeDee talking about her technological impairedness and the glory days of typewriters...I hear ya girl! My computer is so old it's taking out social security! (Ba-dum-ching)


I also spend a hugely significant amount of time googling every single pregnancy related website I can find or think of. Like this one, which I go to mostly to lurk around and see what other people have to complain about that are at the same stage of pregnancy as me. (35 weeks now-WOO HOO!)


When I'm really bored I look around online to find stuff for the kids. I'm currently looking for a sling for the baby bug that doesn't have a plastic ring on it (cause that digs in and gets all hurty). I like this one (but I don't know if it's worth the price yet just to get the pretty design...I'm still debating):


I also like to look up quick, easy, and fun recipes online (something hubby appreciates too!) and I found this one for twice-baked potatoes (oh the deliciousness), and someone in the comments brought up the idea of using the small red potoatoes for an awesome tasting finger food-and we're always down for the quick-and-easy around here! Ha ha ha. (Warning:This has all sorts of fatty goodness in it, so if you're on a diet of some kind it's probably not for you.)

So tell me...what do you do with your time online?

My First Meme (WTH?)

I don't understand why people call it a Meme (Anyone? Anyone?) but as I haven't done one yet I have decided to steal this one from Pieces of Me because it looks easy and I am waiting for my baked potatoes to come out of the oven (yummmmm). Don't worry. My child is mindlessly zonked out in front of the television as is his post nap ritual.

A - Age: I told you I'd never tell you. Younger than 80, older than 18.
B - Band listening to right now: The Cranberries (I have a 90s obsession)
C - Career future: Stay at home mom/homeschooler....and looking forward to retirement!LoL
D - Dad’s name: Scooter. Ha ha ha ha.
E - Easiest person to talk to: My husband-I'm surprised the poor guy has ears left. Chris is a close second though.
F - Favorite type of shoe: The ones I have. I keep shoes until they can't take it anymore and commit shoe suicide.
G – Grapes or Grapefruit: Grapes (as long as they're green)...unless it's juice, then I like Ruby Red Grapefruit-grape juice is yucky!
H – Hometown: P-Town will always be the home of my heart
I – Instrumental talent: I was forced to take piano lessons as a kid.
J – Juice of choice: Right now nothing. It all tastes like syrup and makes me ill.
K – Koala Bear or Panda Bear: I've never met either, but based on appearances I would have to say Pandas. Also, I hear Koala bears are drunk/drugged by the leaves they eat and are actually quite vicious. Who knew?
L - Longest car ride ever: When we went to KS as a kid. I don't know how long that was but here's a hint-FOREVER.
M – Middle name: Hated and never disclosed.
N - Number of jobs you’ve had: More than I can count.
O - OCD traits: I wash doorknobs. Think about it. How many people do you think touch any given doorknobs between cleanings? When is the last time you cleaned YOUR doorknobs? *shudder*
P - Phobia[s]: The dark, driving, driving in the dark, car accidents, death, flying, birds (yes birds)...we don't have time for this.
Q - Quote: "Spank your child once a day. Don't worry if you don't know why. Trust me they will!" O. Wilde
R - Reason to smile: My husband. I love that man! He's totally the one that makes everything worth it.
S - Song you sang last: Probably the Teddy Bear Song.
T - Time you wake up: The LAST POSSIBLE SECOND.
U - Unknown fact about me: If I told you it wouldn't be unknown then would it?
V - Vegetable you hate: Anything spicy (peppers, chilis, onions....)
W - Worst habit: Depends on who you ask. None of them bother me any.
X - X-rays you’ve had: I've never had an x-ray...but I've had enough ultrasounds that my organs are permantly vibrating (cause ultrasounds are soundwaves...just in case my husband reads this).
Y - Yummiest food my belly likes: Right now, nothing. Usually-chicken enchiladas in sour cream sauce with a side of beans and rice.
Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio. (Hey, we're not all as bad as you might think!)

Doctors and Anger-Inducing Hormones

You would think if a person worked with pregnant women all day they would know that they have to avoid being completely insensitive unprofessional PRICKS. You would think that the hundreds of thousands of dollars they make per year would make it easier for them to have a bad day without taking it out on some poor innocent 9-months-pregnant lady. YOU WOULD FREAKING THINK, wouldn't you?!

Appearantly, my doctor thinks otherwise.

I go in today because I am having (note: STILL having) some serious levels of back pain accompanying my on going contractions, and some nice painful pelvic pressure to go along with it. I assumed that they would want me to go in...since those symptoms are on the list of things the on call doc said to come in for. So I make an emergancy appointment and go in (it's better than spending 5 hours in the L&D just to get rereleased). The nurse comes in and does her thing-a nice little gal, seems kinda new but appears to know what she's doing-and then she tells me to get undressed for the pelvic and the doc will be in shortly. Okay. Totally normal.

But then he comes in all blustery like and says "Well, this is probably nothing-just you being pregnant-but I guess I can check you anyway." Mighty freaking wide of him. So he measures my fundus hieght and checks my breathing (wha?) and then stalks out. I'm thinking 'is this guy coming back or what?' when the nurse pops her head in and says they'll be right in.

The doctor comes back after like 10 minutes and they proceed to do the FASTEST PELVIC EXAM EVER. For real-it was less than 10 seconds. He doesn't say one word to me-doesn't even look me in the eye-and then he walks out. Again, poor little nurse gal pops her head in and mentions that he does indeed plan on returning. When he comes back he proceeds to tell me that he ordered me a pregnancy support band and that he wants me to cancel my next appointment. So I ask him "uh...so...what was going on in there?" and he says to me "oh, you're like 1 cm dialated and not effaced".

This is the point where I get confused. I'm pretty sure I remember from my first pregnancy that you can't progress backwards...and at my last pelvic less than a week ago they told me that I was between 2 and 2.5 cm dialated and 50% effaced. So I casusally mention to him "I'm confused. I was told last time that I was 50% effaced and 2 (possibly even 2.5) cm dialated." And he says to me "Well, that's really a subjective thing. But I'm right."

Ooooookay. Whatever.

So I ask him when to schedule my appointment, since he is making me cancel my next one. He says to schedule it in two weeks so that they can do the group B test because "they always do it at 36 weeks". So I mention to him "Well, I'm going to be 35 weeks tomarrow-is it okay if you do the test at 37 weeks or should I schedule my appointment for a week from now." At which point he looks me in the face and tells me "You're only 34 weeks".

EXCUSE ME?! I don't flippin think so buddy! So I tell him "Uh, no. My due date has been February 29th up until I got my last ultrasound which changed it to February 28th, which would make me 35 weeks tomarrow."

THEN MY DOCTOR STORMS OUT OF THE ROOM LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.

He goes into the little office next door and starts YELLING at young nurse gal. He says to her "you better figure out that her due date is March 4th" and the nurse says "well, according to her ultrasounds she's due February 28th or 29th" and he says "No! I'm right! You need to look at this and make it so I'm right" to which little nurse gal says "well, I was just going off the ultrasound" and the doctor storms back into my room and says "you're due March 4th...so that would make you 34 weeks and 1 day. Schedule your next appointment for 2 weeks from now when you are 36 weeks" and storms away!

I am not freaking kidding you.

My doctor had a flipping temper tantrum like a petulant four year old. Who am I kidding? My four year old would be embarassed to be associated with someone so immature. Of course, I am pissed as all get out....and I totally can't get over it because I am so pregnant my hormones are bouncing off the walls. As I sit typing this almost 12 hours later I am still FURIOUS. By the way, I'm reporting him to the head doctor and then switching to another doctor in the same practice.

ALSO ON MY BAD SIDE TODAY: My step-mother-in-law. She wrote a post on her blog (which I refuse to link to...sorry for any who might be curious) about fat people that was COMPLETELY aimed at me. Oh, I'm not being paranoid and oversensitive-I read it to hubby and he totally agrees that it was a total pot-shot at me. She wrote about how she thinks that fat people are lying when they say that they watch what they eat or that they excersize, and how being hungry is a good thing. Then when someone commented that not all overweight people eat with wild abandon she said that it's obvious that someone is lying about what they eat when they go out to a mexican restaurant and eat everything on their plate-since her daughter can make three meals out of one mexican platter. Then she says that these fat people who lie about what they eat are obviously also dishonest in their daily lives as a rule. So basically, my step-mother-in-law just used her blog to call me a big fat liar.

I'm not going to post any type of comment-although things certainly come to mind....like "If you think hunger is a good thing, you have obviously never been hungry" or "If you are encouraging your teenager daughter to make three meals out of one you are a sick, sick bastard." I just am not going to take myself down to her level.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to sit around in my hormonally pissed off state and hope desparately that someday her always-skinny figure turns into one that would rival Jabba the Huts.

Absenteeism...Mind, Body, and Blog

I have been gone from my blog several days. I hate that I have already abandoned it for so long after only a couple of days. It's just a baby! It needs the attention!

However, so do my other babies. Like the one that is currently trying to PUNCH HER WAY OUT a whole 28 days early. On Sunday I had to go in to the hospital and low and behold-I was going into labor! I was contracting every 2-5 minutes and was already 50% effaced and around 2 cm dilated on the inside. (Who knew that the inside of the cervix and the outside of the cervix could have different measurements? You learn something every day. In case you were wondering, I was 3cm dilated on the outside.) Luckily we were able to stop her though. No sense being born at 34.5 weeks if we can avoid it eh?

I like to think it's because I threatened to ground her for the rest of her life that she stayed in. Of course, this is total vanity and control issues talking, but hey---if I want to feel like I have power over my unborn child then that's what I'm going to do. Sue me.

Even though we were able to stop me from progressing, we (and by "we" I mean medical professionals) were not able to stop my contractions all the way. So I have been sitting around having mild-to-moderate contractions every 5 to 10 minutes since Sunday and wondering every 10 to 15 minutes if I should call my doctor or go into the hospital again. Maybe it's just the mommy amnesia talking, but I don't remember my pregnancy with Monkey being this hard!

All this hoopla is effecting everything. Not only is it causing me pain which makes me feel divorced from my body like I have absolutely NO CONTROL over what's going on here (which I don't), AND causing blog abandonment, but I have completely lost my flipping mind. For Real. I officially have the attention span of a fruit fly. I can't even concentrate long enough to make a bowl of INSTANT oatmeal for my poor little Monkey in less time than it would take him to grow the oatmeal from a seed. (I'm assuming oatmeal comes from oats...right? Which comes from seeds...right? I don't care enough to Google it at the moment.)

Anywho...I get easily distracted (see?) and I can't concentrate and I am just plain miserable in every imaginable way because of this stupid darling spawn baby that I am in the process of evicting from my tired and broken body.

So that's my excuse for why I was gone. No my daddy didn't sign it, but I swear it's true.

Saturday Survival Tip: Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Sometimes all you can do in life is laugh. I mean, you could get pissed off or have a grumpy day but I usually find if I sit back and look at the situtation objectively it's usually pretty damn hilarious.

Today, for instance. My husband and my son built themselves a fortress of blankets in my son's room, using any and all available household items as either tent making material or as weights.

Including the labor bag. [Unbeknownst to me.]

This could go terribly horribly wrong. And it did. We left our son's fort up so that he could sleep in it during nap time and, of course, he got into the labor bag. The aftermath was pretty gnarly-everything was unwrapped and thrown around his room including our toothbrushes, which he rubbed on God-knows-what. But the very best part is that my chewing gum was out.

And unwrapped.

And EATEN.

That's right-our son ate approximately 20 pieces of Big Red chewing gum. He does not know how to chew gum--he just chewed it up and swallowed it like any other kind of candy. After learning that he did NOT have to get his stomach pumped I had two options-get pissed, or get a sense of humor. When you think about it, it is kinda funny.

If you have trouble laughing at your own situation, sometimes it can help just to laugh. Find something funny-like THIS clip from Jim Gaffigan. If this doesn't brighten your day, your sense of humor must be permanantly broken.

Energy Crisis

There is a decided lack of energy that is taking me over. Don't get me wrong-I have been a lazy bum most of my pregnancy-but today for some reason I have developed a level of lethargy that astounds even me.

My...I mean "our"...computer sits directly in front of the fridge. It is seriously less than two feet away. However, rather than get up and get myself a soda from the fridge I waited almost 30 minutes until Hubby went to get himself a snack from the fridge and then asked him to pass me one. Because I didn't want to have to stand up, rotate my body 180 degrees, open the fridge, remove the desired item, close the fridge, rotate my body 180 degrees, and then sit back into my computer chair. How lazy can one broad get?

In my defense I am 34 weeks pregnant, which is almost as good as being entirely defunct.

Today I have also been crazy. This is the scene in my home this afternoon as best as I can remember it:

When I told my husband to stop eating my candy in a voice that I thought was entirely pleasant, he started laughing at me. Of course that only pissed me off, so I interrogate question him as to why he thought I was so funny. Finally he said:

"You know those shows on the nature channel? Where they study animals?"

"Um yes?"

"You look like one of those mama bears protecting their cubs!" [Insert husband's hysterical laughter as he reaches in to grab another piece of candy.]

"That is NOT what I am like!" [I innocently and very gently punch my husband in the arm.]

"Help! I'm being attacked by a polar bear!" [Husband dashes away with his pilfered loot.] "Quick! Run downhill! Everyone knows bears can't run downhill!"

"Bears can so run downhill."

"No they can't."

"I can."

"You can't even run on a flat surface."

"I could if I had to."

"Not even if you weren't pregnant!" [Husband continues laughing hysterically.]

[I punch husband in the arm...this time like I mean it.]

"Stop it! My face hurts from laughing too much!"

"I'll make your face hurt!"

[Even more hysterical laughter as I snatch my candy and put it back in it's home to hoard it.]

Perhaps I am being unreasonable. Perhaps I am just pregnant. Or perhaps I am a polar bear in disguise.

The Coolest Thing Ever?

Unless you are married to my husband, or one just like him, you may not know what the picture to the left is exactly. Let me explain it to you.

To normal people, it is a plastic shelf. One that grocery stores use to display products-milk and bug spray for instance. To normal people (me, you, people no longer living in college dorms) this is, essentially, trash.

To my husband this is like finding treasure.

You see my husband is a mechanic in his heart who unfortunately must have a 9-5 in the grocery industry. To bridge this gap between Hubby's passion and hubby's job, we plan on getting an oversized garage for him when we buy a house. Someday when we buy a house. Currently we live in an 800 square foot 2 bedroom apartment. Which my husband is doing his best to fill with this plastic shelving under the guise that it is "furniture".

I'm sorry to those I might offend, but unless you are living in a dorm or in your first apartment plastic items do not qualify as furniture. Especially not plastic items with bug spray logos on the side.

When my husband brought home the first one-it's about 7 feet tall, bright yellow, with OFF! bug spray logos all over it-I thought he had lost his flipping mind. After some...discussion...I gave in and allowed him to put it in our room figuring we could put all our extra clothes on it (did I mention our apartment is 800 sqare feet?) while keeping it hidden from view. Despite his claim that this was valid furniture, I knew he was really furnishing his future dream garage so I cut him some slack. A man's gotta have some dreams.

But then he brought home another one. This one was only about 4 feet tall and was plain white with no logos on it so once again I figured FINE. We'll put it in another closet (away from public view) and use it as an organizer. Whatever. But I still made him promise not to bring another one home. We only have so many closets!

Then I open the door last night for my husband what do I see except a 5ft 6in black plastic shelf. And I laughed in my husband's face and he gave me an excited look and said "WAIT! You haven't seen the best part!"

The best part turned out to be a rather large sign with various types of tropical alcohol on it.

The best part. Hurmph.

The REAL best part is that the margarita monstrocity is now sitting in my living room, evoking images of college kid apartments, just waiting for my mother in law to see it.....and my husband and our son think that it is THE COOLEST THING EVER.

If they weren't so cute.....

Last Minute Panic

This baby is a freaking planet. Not that I'm calling my daughter fat or anything. I just seriously think that the girl is running out of room in there! At least, that's my assumption when she has her foot lodged under my ribcage and her head bashing into my hips repeatedly like a battering ram....maybe it's not that. Maybe she just doesn't like me. Or maybe it was something I ate. It's a mystery-but I'm going to go with the 'huge bun small oven' theory. Seems plausible.



Especially after talking to my MIL. I found out that my husband (unbeknownst to him or me) was actually a premie. It wouldn't normally be an occasion for shock except the part where he was a 7lb+ baby at 34 weeks! That's why we'd always assumed he was full term. Appearantly he was just the biggest baby in the history of mankind. (I think I'm allowed some hyperbole here.) MIL thinks that his due date was wrong. I certainly freaking hope so-I don't want a 12 pound baby! Correction: I do want her. I just don't want to have to give birth to her. At least not vaginally. Good grief!



The hugeness of Baby Bug is just one thing I am thinking about now that we are staring down at the induction day. (February 21st is not very far away, you know.) While I am practically jumping out of my skin with the excitement of not being pregnant anymore (especially after last night's gallbladder attack left me with only 3 1/2 hours of sleep to function on) I am starting to get that OMG-SHES-ALMOST-HERE caught with your pants down feeling. You know the one-it keeps you up at night when you should be sleeping during the last month of your pregnancy. That panicky sensation that there is something missing but you can't remember what you're forgetting to save your life.



I keep wandering around my house thinking about all the things we need. It seems like we have them, but every time I am almost reassured that everything is in place I realize I forgot something and it sends me into a cold sweat. If I forgot that what else am I forgetting? Our hospital bags are packed, but I forgot our mini shampoos. They do NOT furnish these at our hospital so that could have been very ugly when we came home from the hospital to greet our son (and my MIL and step FIL) looking like kitty vomit. I also realized that since the Monkey is spending time with grandma and grandpa while Baby Bug is born I should pack him a bag too. I realized this just right this second. See? More things pop up all the time.



I need a Tums. These hormones are killing me.



On the plus side, everything is all set up as far as baby accessories go. Put together, and decorated appropriatly. We share a room (and, with Monkey and now probably Baby Bug) a bed with our kids while we are breastfeeding so that mommy doesn't have to get her happy butt aaaaallllllllllllllllll the way out of bed and aaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll the way to the baby's room 3 to 6 times a night-but sharing a room with the baby means no excess baby floof so we had to choose our accessories wisely-although she still does have both a bassinet and a crib thanks to Hubby's ingenous spacial skills. The highlight of my extravaganza was picking out her crib set. It is so adorable if I do say so myself. And it was totally affordable-we're on a budget here people! What do you think? [Obviously this is a store picture.]







See...girly but not so girly it makes you want to puke and die (no ruffles or other such nonsense). I think I did well. At least something is prepared!

Oh Sweet Pregnancy Addiction

Food cravings are killer, but giving into them is absolute heavan. Unfortunately I have had my share of the pukies this pregnancy-I still get morning sickness at almost 34 weeks, and gallstones definately create some gastrointestinal..."come uppance"-so I have missed out on cravings entirely. I have been ruled by what I CAN'T eat rather than what I want to eat this time around-until today!

Today I got my first pregnancy craving (too bad my pregnancy is almost over), and right now I sit dipping my Nilla Wafers in vanilla pudding and topping it off with a side of mac and cheese. Yummmmmmmmm.Can you get cravings from eating your cravings? Cause now I want pizza with spinach, garlic, and chicken. Dang.

On a completely different-but fun-note, we have finally finished getting Baby Bug the last of her things. Our baby list is complete and we are ready for our girl! We still need to pick up some last minute stuff for me and hubby (some movies to watch while we're being induced, travel toothbrushes...same old same old) but then we are all set.

Dance-dance-dance-dance.....only 36 days or less until our baby girl is here!

Ready...Get Set...Wait!

Today we finally got scheduled in for our induction! We are on the books-in ink-and ready...to wait.

The big day is February 21st at the butt-crack of dawn. Literally-it will be dark out or just barely dawning when we arrive at the hospital at 5:45am. I guess our doc likes to do his inducing before breakfast. Ha.

Being induced on the 21st gives Baby Bug some incentive for a quick and easy labor though. If she wants her own birthday she'll have to be born in 18 hours or less (a feat Monkeypants wasn't compelled to accomplish, being born 23 hours and 47 minutes after his induction) because hubby's birthday is on the 22nd. Not that Hubby minds sharing his birthday-he thinks having our daughter on his birthday would be the coolest present ever-and while babies are certainly better than cake I can understand the desire to have your own special day....but if she wants it she'll have to boogie her booty through the birth canal!

I can't believe that we are only 37 days away from meeting our sweet little Baby Bug...I'm so excited I can barely stand it!

Sunday Survival Tip: In Laws

For every mother in law joke out there there are two mother in laws who deserve that joke. That's not a scientific statistic or anything, but I'm sure we can all agree that seems about right. There are varying degrees of in law trouble, ranging from the vaguely annoying to the outright insane. For those of us who have in laws of the barely human variety all we can do is pray to keep our heads on. However, there are some tips that work great for the slightly annoying in laws that can even lend a hand to us whose in laws would require professional help.

The number one rule in my experience is communicate with your spouse. Not only can that help determine if your in laws are genuinely insane or if they just save all their crazy up for you and special occasions, but it is important that you and your significant other have a united front. That way parents can't go and complain to their kid about the horrible things their spouse has done. That keeps you and your spouse from being "in the middle" all the time, and also shows your respective parents that you agree on everything (even if you had to work it out first) and that they aren't going to get anywhere by appealing to their kid to change something they don't like. And there's always a lot they don't like, isn't there?

Secondly, pick your battles. If your father in law makes a snide comment about your jeans being "snug" chances are it's better to let it go rather than tell him all about how his clothes look. Not that you can't think it, just it's probably better not to say. However, when they jump in and try to make parenting decisions for you that's definately a good time to play ball. Try not to fight or blame or name-call (out loud) but rather state your decision in a firm way that sets clear boundaries. For example "I understand that you think it's okay for little Timmy to ride a motercycle, but we have decided that is not age appropriate and we do not allow our children to do it."

Which brings me to another suggestion-use the word we. Alot. That lets them know, even if it's subconciously, that you and your spouse are on one team together and that they can either get with the team or head for the door. A very important boundary thing.

If you have a significant disagreement, and you're in laws are of the generic not crazy variety, set a lunch date with them (bring your spouse!) to discuss your differences calmly and rationally. This only works for the non-crazy in laws, but is generally a good idea if it's possible.

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. It worked for thumper, and it can work for you! Or, if you must say something, say something polite but insignificant. For example-if they are going on and on and on about how your sister in law's child is so much smarter than your child you can choose to say something like "I'm glad that Billy is doing so well". Just try to keep the acid in your voice down to a minimum....then go home and scream in a pillow.

And finally, if nothing else works, put them in time out. No seriously. If they do something you find particularly atrocious, simply don't answer the phone for a week or two. Not only does it give everyone (meaning you) time to settle down, but it also becomes pretty obvious to them that you're not taking their calls and they will probably at least try to think about why that might be. Even if that doesn't fix their wagons, at the very least it will give you some time so that the next encounter you have with them doesn't end in bloodshed.

In laws are a tricky bunch. Some you can work with. Some you can't. Just remember-stick close to your spouse and stick to your guns and when in doubt put them in time out.

Saturday Survival Tip: The Cheaper The Better

If you're like me, one of the main concerns of having a bunch of monsters--*ahem*--children is that they just cost so dang much! Especially when you consider that the things you buy may or may not be in use 6 months later. They grow up, grow out of clothes, become disinterested in the toys you JUST BOUGHT (because they're "baaaaaabbbyyyyyy tooooooyyys Mommy!") and generally endeavor to consume as much as possible.

Not that I am unwilling to give my children the world. I'm completely willing-but LORD KNOWS the world costs a lot of money, so we're going to have to set up some kind of payment plan. They can be ahead of the credit card debt and behind the electric bill.

So where do you find kids stuff without spending a fortune? Well, there is the obvious (Goodwill/St.Vincent De Paul's) but you're lucky to get a good (read: in good condition) find there. I say go to your neighbors!

Luckily, in the age of cyberfriendships, you don't actually have to go ask your actual neighbors (which I think is considered panhandling). I personally recommend checking your local Craigslist if you haven't already where people in your area post things they are selling. Sometimes people get dillusional and try to sell a binkie for $20, but most of the time the prices are reasonable and the people play nice and are generally very neighborly.

I have also recently discovered Freecycle which, in my moderately humble opinion, is freaking awesome. Maybe because in the land of "the cheaper the better" FREE is always the best! Basically, you and the people in your area post things that are in good condition that you are willing to give away if someone will just come pick it up....then you get up to the minute emails of what everyone is offering. You have to be quick, but if you are the fastest emailer people will generally give the item to you providing that you can pick up quick enough. And they just give it to you! For FREE! I love free things.