Sunday Ten Spot: Watch This!

Underrated Movies I Love

10. Enemy of the State
Everybody loves Will Smith, but very few people love this movie. It's just not one that makes very many top tens, but I think it should. This "big brother conspiracy" movie, also starring Gene Hackman, is fast paced and fascinating-certainly worth a watch and definitely worth more credit than most people give it.

9. Jersey Girl
Yep, it has Ben Affleck in it. And yes, Jennifer Lopez-but only for a minute I swear. Still, in the end, I happen to think that this funny and heartwarming movie about a widower and his daughter is one of the best Kevin Smith movies ever.

8. National Lampoon's Van Wilder
It's not Shakespeare. Fine. Is it crude? Absolutely-but it's about college kids so I think that kind of goes with the territory. At its core though, Van Wilder is about a guy with a big heart who stays in college by purposely failing everything. Ryan Reynolds makes Van Wilder such a hilarious and yet sweet character that it becomes a lot easier to look past the sex jokes-plus the end makes you want to say awwwww.

7. Shaun of the Dead
The tag line says it all-"A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies." There might be zombies in it but the real point of this movie is beyond that, and scene by scene it is absolutely HILARIOUS which keeps the movie from being preachy or too zombified. I know it's not for everyone but I happen to love Simon Pegg and British humor...if you like either one and don't mind a little zombie action you should definitely see this movie.

6. Layer Cake
I know what you're thinking-you've never heard of this movie. You and pretty much everyone else...but it's awesome. Basically it's about a drug dealer trying to get out of "the life". It's definitely for mature audiences only (it IS about drug dealers so there is lots of, you know, drugs violence swearing etc.) but the ending will blow you away. Bonus-you get to see Daniel Craig pre-007.

5. Office Space
While plenty of people have seen this movie, no one seems to love this movie and I don't know why! Maybe I'm just a huge nerd, maybe I worked in a cubicle too long, but I think that the story of three guys breaking out of the cubicle and sticking it to the man (in a nerd way) is freakin' awesome.

4. Big Fish
When people tell me they haven't seen this movie I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little upset. It is so wonderful I just watch it over and over and over again. Big Fish is about the tall tales a father told his son all of his life. While the father is on his death bed the son comes to him and wants 'the truth', and in return we are taken through many of the fantastic stories of his father's youth. This movie is charming, and everyone should watch it at least once.

3. Serenity
Okay, in my world (full of SciFi/Joss Wheden dorks) this movie is a BIG deal. An awesome, fantabulous big deal that most of the rest of the world is missing out on. I still haven't forgiven Fox for marketing Firefly (this movie's founding TV series) as a "space western" and murdering it in its first season...not because the description isn't accurate (it totally is) but because it is better to let people come to that conclusion themselves rather than limit the amount of people willing to watch. Still, if you can start out with an open mind, I promise Serenity won't disappoint anyone interested in action/adventure.

2. Accepted
No one I ever ask has seen this movie and that just makes me want to run out and buy you all a copy. I LOVE this movie. This movie is about a kid who doesn't get accepted to any colleges so, rather than face disappointing his parents and being humiliated in front of his classmates, he decides to make up his own college. Besides having a (subconsciously?) pro-unschooling message, it's just plain funny.

1. Lady in the Water
A modern day cross between a thriller and a fairy tale, this movie is enchanting. In it a man finds himself in the midst of an ancient bedtime story come to life, and he and his fellow apartment dwellers join in the story, learning more about themselves along the way. I cannot recommend this movie enough and yet at best people have never heard of it because it gets eclipsed by M. Night Shyamalan's other movies (The Sixth Sense comes to mind).

Time Traveling

After a long, exhausting couple of days with sick kiddos it was time for a break. The kids are still sick, so that break will be short lived, but I needed some time to relax with Hubby so we sat down tonight on his night off and watched The Time Traveler's Wife.

I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't give plot specifics, but I will say-bring tissues. Also, if you're in the mood for a good cheering up, look elsewhere. May I recommend Milo and Otis or Pride and Prejudice-they always cheers me up.

The movie itself is good. The actors did a good job making the characters very sympathetic, and the story was very interesting. It was worth watching, but one last note-don't tell your husband that it's part sci-fi to get him into it.

While I'm sure that the book has more of the science information in it, the movie had pretty much none. Luckily Hubby still liked it...but he also liked Fried Green Tomatoes and actually shed some tears during The Notebook so, you know-results not typical, actual results may vary from husband to husband.

*Cough*Sniffle*

We have sick babies here today. Well, The Bean is only teething, but she's running a slight temp and is of course cranky as all get out. Monkey is actually sick and we ended up having to make a run to the urgent care today when he spiked to 102.2 under the arm. He was crying pretty hysterically, and we were pretty worried, so we wanted to have somebody look at him. Thank God they think it's just strep, and he's finally asleep now, but we're all wiped.

So I'm off to bed. See you all tomorrow!

Picture This

This week's Writer's Workshop assignment from Mama Kat is to pick up a magazine and write about the first picture that inspires us. Lucky for you, the only magazines I have in the house are one three year old Cosmo that has an interview with my favorite actress and a bunch of political magazines.

And so, without further ado, my thoughts on the pictures in these magazines...






What Do The Obscenely Rich Spend Their Money On?
A Haiku

Ben Bernanke prints
All of the money we have
can't he dye his beard?











Attention Fashion Model A

You cannot tell me you're not hungry
I'm hungry just looking at you.
Please have my donut,
I won't tell anybody,
You could really stand to gain a few.

Wordless Wednesday: Teddy Bear Tea

Baby Bug in her special tea party clothes, with her bear. I still can't believe she's TWO!

Form I-DK

I have been calling creditors literally. All. Day. I have been getting yelled at LITERALLY. All. Day. I finally manage to write down every debt we've ever had that I can possibly think of and I sit down to look at the bankruptcy paperwork.

WOAH.

Just WOAH.

I'm going to go ahead and take a Tylenol and lie down now. I'll get to the 500 pages of forms tomorrow. There are so many questions on those things....

and they're not even multiple choice.

Today in History...

On this day, twenty seven years ago, the most amazing person I've ever known was born and we started to find each other. True story.

He was born in the same hospital my sister would be born in four years later.

Our parents went to the same high school.

Our grandmothers went to the same church and we went to the same Sunday School.

Our grandparent's farms where we both spent tons of time were literally neighbors.

Then he moved away. A little later, he moved to a bigger city south of us and soon-without knowing it-I followed him.

When I first moved to where we live now, I lived directly behind his neighbor across the street. He used to ride his bike past my house.

We were both in choir during high school, and went to several festivals at the same time-even singing in order right next to each other because of the alphabetical listing of our schools.

It is entirely possible that there were hundreds of times in our lives that we looked at each other, and it has been proven that there were thousands of times when we were less than a mile away from each other. Yet somehow, almost in spite of our closeness, we never really met until the exact moment we were meant to.

We don't know for sure when we first met, but the first time we noticed each other we were still just kids-I was 16 and he was 19-and we have now spent the better part of a decade growing old together. The years are starting to show on us both-we both have graying hair and are beginning to get a few wrinkles, but rather than fighting every new change I think about how precious time is, and how blessed I am to be growing old with him and I especially like to take the time to reflect on this day every year, the wonderful day my husband was born.

To My Hubby~I have never doubted for a moment that you are The One-it's written all over our lives. You are the other half of my soul and the greatest man I've ever had the privilege to know, and so every year it is an honor to celebrate your birthday with you. Happy Birthday my love!

Sunday Ten Spot: Excuses, Excuses

Eventually we're all going to need an excuse for some reason so here-have some of my old stand bys.....

10. I was up all night with the baby.

9. I have something in the oven right now.

8. The kids are ALL sick right now (*cough*)

7. Sure, I'd love to! Let me ask Hubby.....[Pause for effect].......yeah, he said we couldn't. Too bad really-catch you next time!

6. Forget? Of course not! I was JUST about to step out the door, but you-know-who (insert kid/animal here) started having separation anxiety issues. I'm on my way right now!

5. Oh darn, doctor's appointment.

4. The babysitter can't make it/we have no babysitter...otherwise we totally would.

3. The kids are sleeping so I have to be really quiet.

2. The kids are crying and I can't hear you.

1. The check is in the mail.

The cool part is, these are all true at some point so they're virtually undetectable-use them all you want!

Tea Parties are Fun! (and Hard Work)

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeew!

I love Baby Bug, but in the last 48 hours I have worked harder than ever with less sleep than usual-and I used to work three jobs back in the day. Still, despite the fact that my legs are about to fall off and my feet are so swollen can barely fit into my shoes, I am very happy with how the tea party turned out.

We had fruit and scones with Devonshire Sweet Cream, a Veggi platter, smoked turkey and cranberry sandwiches, a cookie tray with assorted lovelies on it, and-my masterpiece-home made from scratch white chocolate raspberry cheesecake with a chocolate crust [not the other stuff wasn't from scratch...it's just that they weren't as hard]!


This is my beautiful, beautiful cheesecake-and YES it did taste as good as it looked. As you can tell, I'm very proud of myself.


The surprise awesomeness came from those scones (you an see a little bit of them in the picture of the cheesecake). Those were SERIOUSLY good-sweet, but not too sweet, and just the right amount of fluffy....mmmmmmmm. I did fabulously if I do say so myself.

Everyone had a great time. Naturally, as with all family functions, some things did go slightly awry. Work kept Hubby late and he arrived after the party had already started...so I had absolutely no help this morning. Then my step brother and his wife and son cancelled. Not a big deal really, I understand, except for when I tell Monkey he has a melt down because he doesn't want to be the only boy at the party. So I put out that fire, wrenched the kids away from the party trays for the 10,000th time, and went back to whipping cream. Then my parents called me up at 11:30 and asked if they could show up at noon instead of two. EXCUSE ME?! Normally I don't tell my parents no because I don't want to fight them, but at this point I am running around the house smelling like sweat and covered in baking supplies, the kids haven't had baths or put on party clothes OR had naps, and the list of things that I still have to do is like 6,000 miles long. So I put my foot down. I just straight up said NO, you may not come early. Of course, being my parents, they wouldn't accept a straight no and they negotiated me down to 1pm, but I'll consider it a draw. I didn't have time to debate them more anyway.

After everyone showed, the house was overwhelmingly loud-there were so many people packed into my house and everybody was talking over each other-you couldn't have heard a cannon go off next to your head. Still everyone had fun with their dress up tea party accessories and we got some adorable pictures and did I mention that the food was FABULOUS?! So over all it was a great way to celebrate Baby Bug turning 2.

Now to gear up for Monkey's birthday. T minus 21 days and counting....

The Kidlets in their tea party accessories

Bake Bake Bake...Clean Clean Clean

I just realized it's 11:54! Holy poop-I almost blew my New Years Resolution doing all this baking and cleaning for Baby Bug's Birthday party tomorrow. So yeah....I've still got stuff all over the stove.....I'll return tomorrow with party pictures, until then please to enjoy this cute picture of a birthday cat.....

For Funsies

My last two posts have been more serious than my usual posts, and apparently some people got bored. Sorry to see you go fleeing followers, but thanks to anybody whose eyes didn't glaze over-I promise I'll be doing more fun stuff fore a while now if not just because I'm all seriousness'd out.

Today's a good fun post-I got the Beautiful Blogger Award from my friend Mrs. Rotty of Sometimes and Always and we all know that nothing says fun like an award meme! Okay, so I am also amused by shiny objects, but award memes are still awesome. Thank you so much Mrs. Rotty for making my day bright!




The rules of this award are pretty simple:

• Thank the person(s) who nominated you and link their blog.
• Copy the award and paste it.
• Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
• Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blogs.

So, without further ado-7 fun facts (woo!):

• I sing. A lot. Randomly. I have been known to burst into song in the middle of someone else'ssentence because they happen to speak a song lyric unintentionally. I wake Hubby up by singing my own lyrics to songs, changing the message to something along the lines of "you have to wake up now because it's time for work". I even sing how to's-we have a song to remind the kids to use inside voices, to remind them to wash their hands, to help them remember how to bathe themselves...just singing all the time. It's an illness really.

• Even though I'm not quite 25, I have enough gray hair that I have to color it. Hubby says it isn't noticeable, and that even if it were (which of course it's not, right?) that I should just let it go au naturale because natural is beautiful, even if it's gray. Isn't he precious LoL.

• I have never been, nor do I ever intend to be, on an airplane. People always tell me that I'm more likely to die in a car than in an airplane, but what they don't tell realize is that is only because people are in an airplanes less often. If a person rode in an airplane as often as they rode/drove in cars they would be more likely to be in an accident while in the air and, what's more, plane accidents are statistically far more fatal than auto accidents. Bottom line-I'm taking Amtrak.

• Despite the fact that I very rarely drink I am, in fact, an expensive drunk. The first time I actually did get drunk it took six shots, four mai tais, six hard lemonades, and four beers before I was officially wasted. So I'm like alcohol-proof (it's a secret super power).

• My family thinks I'm a hippie-true story. Yeah, they don't know me very well.

• I started dating Hubby when I was 16, and he is the only serious boyfriend I've ever had. We met while singing karaoke (post forthcoming!) and we'll celebrate our fifty year anniversary in 2052-I'll be 66 and he'll be 69.

• I have a really weird thing about animal names-I feel that I must name them something that is either super pretentious or ironic. It's probably because my parents always named our animals something boring-Goldie the goldfish, Harley the dog, Kitty the cat....so when the kids grow up (and become more resilient/less likely to torture animals) our animals names are going to be awesome. Our future cat-regardless of gender-is going to be named Princess Pepperdoodle Von Yum Yum the Third (even though they'll be the first) and our future dog is going to be a tea cup Yorkie named William Wallace. And I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Seriously, I'm dorking out over it already!

So there you have it-randomocity about me. Thank you again, Mrs. Rotty! Let's see, I think this time I would like to nominate:

The Crazy Baby Mama
Samantha of Apple Juice and Milk
Mama Kat of Mama's Losin' It
Amber of aefilkins
Helene of I'm Living Proof God Has a Sense of Humor
K of Interstitial Life
Lesley of Project Mommyhood

because (a) these ladies are all wicked awesome and (b) according to my internet history, they are the last seven blogs that I visited...and I really, really hate feeling like I have to pick 'favorites'. So I guess in that spirit, if you want it and I didn't name you take it and enjoy!

Home

Maya Angelou said, “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned”. She was very right on that one and while I'm very nearly certain she meant this in an emotional sense, right now I want to talk about the fact that people are struggling to fulfill their immediate physical need for a home. There are people living in tents right now-and I'm not talking about Haiti.

In Nashville, TN

Invisible City Winter — Nashville, TN — January 2010 from Russel Albert Daniels on Vimeo.

Under bridges and in tent cities in California

On the beaches in Hawaii

And in Seattle, which has established multiple permanently rotating homeless communities of roughly one hundred people.

All over this country, right now, there are people all around us living through the winter outside in tents, underneath tarps, or inside of cardboard/particle board structures. You probably don't notice them, but there are tent cities and other communities of homeless people in almost every major U.S. city, and with the free fall/suicide drop of the economy being what it is the number of people living like this in the United States is growing.

What is the reception to this epidemic of homelessness? Not in my backyard. The response has overwhelmingly been to turn homeless people away without regard for where they'll go. Several cities have gone so far as to make the act of homelessness (sleeping outside) an actual crime, for which they routinely "sweep" their cities detaining, harassing, and arresting the homeless. In Huntington Station, NY police destroyed a tent city which was serving as a home for more than 100 people just days ago, during what some journalists are calling "The Snowpocylpse".

A tongue-in-cheek Snowpocylpse for those who live inside is a death sentence for those who live outdoors.

And yet most people don't want to have to look at the homeless long enough to deal with them. You have people complaining about the addictions and crimes of homeless people because that's what they choose to see. What they don't see is a man driven into such a deep self loathing by his perpetual homelessness that he drowns it in a drink. Most people enjoy a few drinks after a rough day at work; the level of stress that goes into that man's very ability to exist is unfathomable to to most. People don't see a woman who escaped into a meth high because she was forced into prostitution to feed herself-and yet, what would you have to do to be able to live with yourself if you had to sleep with people for food or shelter? Society, despite the evidence, still doesn't see that stealing is an eventual and unavoidable bi-product of profound poverty.

They see smelly, addicted, thieving homeless people who should just try a little harder....somewhere else where "normal people" don't have to see them.

I have never been addicted and I have never been thieving and, thank God, I was never forced into any situations with dire consequences but I have been homeless (and smelly) so I speak from personal experience here. Most people who are homeless are normal people. They are veterans and school teachers and many of them are just kids like I was. In today's economy, it could just as easily be you in their place. All these normal people want is a home-a safe place where they can be free of crushing stigma and live unquestioned.

I can't provide that for them. You might not be able to either. But we can, as a society, provide them the safety and freedom that comes with a generous and compassionate heart. We can take the judgment out of the equation, treat homeless people with respect and human decency, and we can demand that our government does the same. We can practice small acts of random kindness that will mean the world to people less fortunate than us-bring an extra sandwich for the "bum" in front of your office building. Offer to share a cab. Sit with them and let them talk to you-homelessness isn't catching.

Provide an emotionally safe and judgment free place in society for those who have no physical shelter and we will be one step closer to the dreams of idealists like Maya Angelou, and truly closer to the mandate to love our neighbors as ourselves.



Yet another Mama Kat inspired post...join her for Writer's Workshop this week!

My Heart

When I was two, you sang me to sleep every night-You Are My Sunshine and I Love You A Bushel and a Peck. You patiently held my hand while I explored the world, and guided my every step toward the path of graceful womanhood.

When I was three you taught me to read, and instilled in me a love of learning. You let me sit in your warm lap for hours with Norma Jean the Jumping Bean and bragged loudly to anyone who would stand still about what a prodigy I was.

When I was four you gave me the gift of music. You sat me down at your beautifully polished piano and inspired me to play whatever was in my heart, showing me how to express myself through beautiful things.

When I was five you taught me to cook. You stood me up on chairs and put me in your lacy aprons and let me do all of the important stirring and tasting. You taught me what patience and careful measurement can create.

When I was six you taught me to laugh, and to find joy in little things. You let me do your hair and make up and proudly displayed your make overs to everyone. You gave me care packages of nuts and spice drops and M&Ms inside coffee filters with twisted tops and I ate them slowly and carefully one tiny piece at a time so that I would feel close to you as long as I could.

When I was seven, you went home to be with God-I am still jealous that He gets to have you so near to Him. For a long, long time I didn't know how to live without you-how do you live without your heart? I looked for reminders of you everywhere, grasping for something that I could hold onto so that I could pretend you were with me again, yet I should have known that nothing could replace you, or make the giant rip in my heart go away. To this day I can feel it aching when I think of you.

I do think of you. All the time. I think about when we used to watch Jeopardy together, and when we used to go to the Library and then stop by Tastee Freeze on the way home. I think about when you would drive through the KFC drive thru backwards, just so that I could order my food myself. I remember staying up late with you in my pajamas, reading stories and eating sugary treats and watching Country Music Television-Girl Parties we called them. I even remember making signs that said "No boys allowed, not even dad, except Captain the dog and Grandpa".

When life is at it's darkest, I try to remember little things about you to comfort me-I remember your hands, your eyes, your fancy gold watch, your yellow cook book, and your multicolored porcelain cooking bowls. When I need guidance I try to think about what you would do in my shoes-I want to be graceful, and kind, and generous, and strong just like you. Still, I think it is when I am feeling especially blessed that I miss you the most.

I hope that you can see me from heaven, and that you are proud of me. I know you'd love my little family. My husband is a good, strong man. He is gentle and and honorable and hardworking and loves me very much-and I love him back with all my heart. Our oldest is so much like me, only even more creative than I ever was. His imagination has no limits-I can just picture you having a ball together. And our girls are so precious, I know that you would fall instantly in love with them.

I really hope that you know that we named our first born daughter after you. She turned two yesterday and I couldn't stop thinking about how much she even looks just like a tiny blond version of you. I wish you were here to have tea parties with my girls. To let them eat as many cookies as they want and jump on the bed all night and teach them to sing and laugh and cook and crochet and how to grow up to be strong, honest, graceful women like you. Even though I think I am a poor imitation, I promise I'll do my best to honor the way you raised me in the time we had together and to be the best possible mom I can be to your great grandchildren-I promise to do everything I can to pass the spirit of your heart on in hopes that they will be as blessed by you as I was, even though they never had the chance to meet you.

I'm glad I met you and had the chance to be loved by you, even if it was for far too short of a time for my liking. I miss you a lot Nana, and I love you.

A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.






[Inspired by a writing prompt from Mama Kat]

Happy Birthday Baby Bug!

Two years ago, right this minute, I was a nervous wreck. My pregnancy had not been easy that time around and I was exhausted from nearly constant, excruciating gallbladder attacks-not to mention the fact that was I was totally emotionally strung out. I was afraid of having a daughter because my relationship with my mother was never better than disastrous...I was desperately afraid that I was somehow betraying my precious first born Monkey by daring to bring another baby into his world...I was afraid that I would be swallowed whole by the responsibility of having two children to care after...and the night before I delivered Baby Bug I was at my hormonal worst.

There were a LOT of tears.

Monkey was staying with my in laws and Hubby and I were alone for what was, in retrospect, one of the very last times and all I could do was bawl my pregnant eyes out. What if I didn't like the baby? What if the baby didn't like me? What if I didn't know how to parent a girl? What if Monkey was eternally damaged by the fact that I replaced him with another baby? What if I couldn't handle two children? I may or may not have told Hubby that I changed my mind about this whole having-another-kid business.

Luckily for me the desire to be DONE with pregnancy won out and at 4:40 the following afternoon our oldest daughter came into the world. She was a teeny-tiny little thing, only 19 inches long and 6lbs 9oz, and cute as a button. Our little bunny rabbit, named after my beloved Nana, with huge bright blue eyes and barely there blond peach fuzz, has tugged on our heart strings from day one.

Exactly two years later I can tell you that, regardless of my previous anxieties, I am absolutely in love with her. She has a high, soft little pixie voice like distant wind chimes or the sound of kittens mewing, and a heart full of sunshine. She is bright in the very best and every sense of the word and she fills our home and our hearts with joy. I can't imagine my life without my sweet little rabbit running around, telling me about every single thing that pops into her head. I am amazed by the already hundreds of words that she knows already and marvel at how adeptly she picks up new words every day. When she flies around the house pretending to be a bee-fly (butterfly) my heart almost breaks at how adorable she is. I bite back laughter when she gives me the most adorable pouty face I've ever seen, and when she puts one hand on her hip and wags her other pointer finger at me while saying "no-no" in that melodic little sing song voice of hers. Everything in me overflows when she reaches up for me and asks to be picked up so that she can kiss me...and just one of her tiny little "wuv you"s is enough to make a mama cry.

My first daughter, my sunshine, my blondie bear, my bunny rabbit, my baby bug...I just love her so much it leaves me nearly speechless with the power of it. Today my little one is two, and I can hardly believe it-she's growing up so quickly and I just want to freeze time for a minute or two so that I can watch her as she is now and appreciate the little person that she is today.

Today on her second birthday. Happy Birthday my lovey!

Bid on This!

I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day today~I know I did! I always enjoy snuggling up with Hubby and watching some movies.

I also enjoyed making a new layout....what do you think? I really love it. I've been working on the redesign for a week or two and today I was just struck with inspiration and started all over. I'm still fine tuning the details, but I'm really into this layout. In the process of all of this though I have ended up with a layout that I absolutely L.O.V.E. that unfortunately doesn't work for the feel of my blog and I just don't have the heart to delete it.

I talked to Hubby, and we've come up with a solution. I'm going to auction it! Why auction instead of sell? Because I am going to donate some of the proceeds to charity! If this is successful, I will probably do this once a month and pick different charities. If it's wildly successful I can even see myself doing this once a week!

So...do you need a new Blogger layout? Do you want to donate to the Red Cross for Haiti Relief? Well check out this template and make a bid!

THIS IS HOW THIS WILL WORK:
Go and check out the sample site by clicking on the screenshot below:


Then decide how much you want to bid. There is no minimum bid, so bid what you want! The first ten dollars of the bid will go straight to charity, and I will match it 100%...so that means if you bid $10 and you win your entire bid will go to the Red Cross Haiti Relief Efforts and I'll add in an additional $10 from my own pocket! If the bid goes above $10, I will donate 25% (rounded up to the nearest dollar) of all additional money, plus the initial $10, plus the $10 from my pocket, so the math will look like this:

Example Winning bid: $45
Charity will receive:
$10 off the top (plus $10 matching funds)
$9 (25% of the remainder after $10, rounded up)
For a total of: $29

I'm really excited to see what we can do with this! If you aren't in the market for a new layout, tell your friends who might be. I'll go ahead and leave this bidding open for two weeks-so place your bid by commenting on this post and I'll announce the winner on 2/28! Good luck =)

Celebration!

Hubby and I are busy celebrating Valentine's Day since he has to work tomorrow night...so until tomorrow, check out the series I've done this week about love and marriage.

Like a Rock: What the Practical Application of Love Looks Like in My Marriage, and Why It Works

Sweet Somethings: Keepin' the Love Alive (and Interesting)

Shaken and Stirred OR On The Rocks: Tips on Getting Through Rough Patches In Marital Blissdom

Under Pressure: A Guide to the Pressures That Interrupt Our Marriages, and How to Overcome Them

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Under Pressure

We all want to be that woman-whose husband makes googley eyes every time he sees her, whose house is perfectly spotless, and whose children are all perfectly coiffed perfectly well mannered and organized...but let's face it-no one can be everything to every one. You're not going to be able to be a Playmate in the bedroom, Donna Reid in the living room, and June Cleaver in the gym during every PTA meeting. If you are under the impression that you can be all of these things at once, may I respectfully ask that you submit yourself for either genetic testing and/or psychiatric evaluation because the harsh reality is that, unless I missed something, we are all feeling pressure from impossible expectations--and that has some major impacts on our marriages. The truth is that all of these pressures come from inside ourselves, so today I'm going to talk about what these expectations are, how they impact our marriages, and how we can deal with them so that our marriage doesn't suffer from our disillusions of super-humanity.

THE PRESSURE: Being Sexy All The Time
REALITY CHECK:
We used to be hot. When we first started dating our husbands we were all sexy singles, dressed to the nines and perfectly manicured. We were fun, flirty, and flashy...and now we smell like Moms (you know that baby pee/spit up/sweat combo) and look like bums because let's face it-we don't have a lot of down time to focus on silly stuff like personal hygiene with all these kids running around! We know that these running pants aren't going to win us any fashion awards or grab hubby's attention any, but we feel kind of stumped as to what we can do.

We feel this pressure because we WANT to be hot. We miss being sexy all the time and long to ditch the sweats for the sweater dresses. The bad news is that's not always practical. The good news is that I have some tips.

When you get dressed for the day put out at least two extra changes of clothing. When you do this you set yourself up so that later when your outfit gets boogers wiped on it/spit up all over it you can just run up stairs and change without having to spend a lot of time messing around. Also, figure out one or two items of clothing that your Hubby especially appreciates and wear those more often. For instance my husband likes it when I wear dresses, so I do my best to wear dresses several days a week. Are they clean? Meh...ish. Are they perfectly put together into a stylized ensemble? No way....but he likes dresses so there they are. Does your husband like pink on you, or love it when you wear neck scarves? Pull em out. You might not look high fashion, or even very clean, but you made an effort and he'll notice!

For more tips for your love life, check out my post on other ways to keep the spark alive.

THE PRESSURE: Household Management Above Reproach
REALITY CHECK:
You have kids, right? Well unless you keep them in dog crates your house is going to be dirty. I think it was Phyllis Diller who said "cleaning the house while your children are still young is like shoveling the walk while it's still snowing". Realistically speaking you can OCD over it all you want but it's just not going to be spotless so long as little ones live there. The same goes for organization.

Oh it's good to make an effort of course-that's the only way to stave off total anarchy and filth-but please realize that unless you can add another 6 hours into the day you're just not going to get it all done. Look around you-does it look like a biohazard? Would anyone feel tempted to call the CDC, or a microbiologist? No? Well you're okay then.

Still, despite the "non toxic" policy that I have established some husbands (like mine) still get to be a big grumpy pants when they feel like the house is "too cluttered". How do you help your Hubby feel comfortable without breaking out the blood, sweat, and possibly tears? Keep his areas tidy. Does he go straight for the coffee pot after work? Create an invisible force field around it free of clutter. Put his coffee cup and creamer and stuff right next to the pot and voila! He'll look right over the stack of papers. Does he have a favorite chair? Keep everything off of it, and put his slippers next to it. He'll most likely step over all the toys without thinking if he knows he can sink into HIS chair and HIS slippers on the other end. Give him a special drawer where he can put all of his stuff that no one else in the house is allowed to touch-that way he doesn't have to sift through piles of stuff to find his nail clippers or his drawing pencils.

That is the secret to men as far as I can tell-if he has unhampered access to everything he wants/uses, he will definitely not pressure you so much about organization.

THE PRESSURE: Super Mom
Reality Check:
Say it with me now-We ALL have flaws. I WILL forget something that was important to my child. I WILL lose my temper. I WILL pack the wrong lunch, say the wrong thing, and accidentally encourage bad habits. I WILL want to run away from home sometimes and WILL probably lock myself in the bathroom for some peace...but I DO love my children and I AM a good mother.

Now believe it.

I know that's easier said than done, so feel free to repeat it over and over and over to yourself if you have to. What does this have to do with your marriage, you might ask? Well, if you're busy worrying about being Super Mom you might forget about your role as a wife altogether. I've seen it happen. I've done it myself on occasion. It's easy to get hooked into perfecting your child's five tiered home made birthday cake only to realize hours later that you didn't even kiss your husband goodnight.

It's also all too easy to mentally lump your husband in with your children. BIG no-go on that one. It seems like a small thing-I mean, you take care of him and you take care of them-but lumping him in with the kids will almost always turn into you treating him like one of the kids. Not husband-wife relationship friendly.

So what's the cure for Super Mom-itis? I don't know that there is one. This is a big, society-wide pressure. The best way that I've found to deal with it is just to prioritize. Make a list (either physical or mental) that absolutely MUST be done or else something bad will happen to your family. So eating would be on the list, dusting is off. Packing the kids lunch may be on the list, but packing them rack of lamb with a pudding cup for dessert is definitely off. Then, think about the things that you want to get done, but aren't crucial. If you set small, realistic goals for yourself and feel confident that you have taken care of your families real needs it makes it a little easier to step out of the shadow of the Super Mom idea.

In fact creating and meeting small, realistic goals while meeting your family's basic needs is really the entire idea behind fighting all of these internal pressures. We all want to give our families our best, but don't risk your sanity to do it. A sane wife and mom who only does some stuff is better than a crazy person who does everything but burns out in a day or two. Next time you feel pressure just think-we love our families enough to do everything in moderation.

Besides I'm totally digging that whole funky-cute, sorta-organized, good and yet sane parent thing we have going on.

Shaken and Stirred OR On The Rocks

I've been talking about love and marriage all week in honor of Valentine's Day. I've talked about the meaning of love in my relationship and how to keep your love life going, and I today I want to talk about something that is just as important-what do you do in rocky times?

No marriage is perfect. Infatuation is perfect blindness, but it only lasts a moment-marriage is forever. You all can't hold your farts in forever. Eventually you're going to find out that your husband still picks his nose and wipes his boogers on the underside of the couch cushion. Eventually he's going to find out that your "adorable little habit" of XYZ is actually really obnoxious when witnessed every day for the rest of his life.

It's easy to get annoyed and bored with someone that you see all day every day, and that's why the big fights never happen with people you see once a week for a few hours. The real epic on going battles happen with people you see every day...hey, you got the rest of your lives to fight about the same thing over and over so why not?

I'll tell you why not-because that's not how anyone wants to spend forever.

I am not advocating that you get divorced, I'm advocating that you choose not to be miserable. There are those few cases in which I absolutely respect divorce, but except in cases of abuse or abusive habits my vote is always for working it out. [Yes, even for infidelity.]

Being miserable or being happy in your marriage is a choice. Your partner does not make that choice for you. Your church does not make that choice for you. Your parents or friends or kids do not make that choice for you. The only person who can make you be happy in your marriage is YOU. You are the only person in the whole world who has control over and responsibility for your emotions.

So your marriage is in a slump. You just aren't feeling it anymore. You're too busy to care. Maybe you're fighting all the time. It happens to all of us-so what do you do to pull yourself out of it? Grab the bull by the horns people! Try a few (or all) of these...[by the way, I am writing as a woman, but this advice goes both ways!]

Forget Trying to Make Your Husband Do Something
You know that thing you've been trying to get your husband to do for years? Buy you flowers, take you on a cruise, give you a back massage, put their laundry in the basket, finish the Honey Do list, stop picking their nose and wiping it on the couch...well forget it. You can't make a full grown person do anything and you're just going to piss yourself off if you try.

Remembering that not making your husband do something means more than just not attempting to verbally command him to do things. It also means no manipulating, no pouting, no guilt trips, no with holding sex, no boycotting your own duties...basically if you've seen it on TV don't do it. The laugh track might roll when Sexy Housewife A tells her husband "no sex until you clean out the garage" but attempting to over power your husband that way is no laughing matter. Trying to assert that kind of control in your relationship undermines the respect and trust that is so vital to a good relationship.

If you ask your husband to do something and he doesn't do it, go ahead and take care of it yourself. Don't see it as a rejection or a power play-99.99999% of the time men really aren't thinking that way. Remember, men are not built to multitask the way women are. Most of the time they forget, but if they consciously choose not to do it they are usually thinking one of two things "that doesn't seem that important right now" or "I don't want to do that, but I don't know how to tell her".

Which brings me to my next point.

Communicate EFFECTIVELY
This involves, for the most part, only two things. One-you must realize that your husband is not a mind reader. Two-nagging is not communicating. The first point seems pretty self explanatory, but I can't even tell you how many times I hear women saying "I wanted my husband to XYZ but he never did and I was devastated" and when I ask them if they TOLD their husband about XYZ they said "well, that would have defeated the whole purpose". Believe me when I say IT DOESN'T. Your husband is not Miss Cleo and you are not a Magic 8 Ball. He can't read your thoughts on your face. If you want a back rub, or a clean garage, or a romantic vacation you're going to have to look him in the eye and say so. Guys are just like everyone else-they appreciate honesty and straightforwardness.

Now, as far as nagging goes-DON'T. Telling your husband something 6 million times is no more effective than telling him once-unless your goal is to piss him off in which case it is much more effective. When you nag your husband you are treating him like he is incompetent, or like he is one of your children. Your husband is a full grown adult person. He is your equal and your partner and deserves to be treated as such. If you treat him like he is your child, or like you believe him to be incapable of doing something unless you follow him around and tell him over and over again, all you're going to end up with is a very grumpy man.

So we know not to nag-how do you get him to do something without nagging? The first step is to accept that some things might not get done, and to learn to be okay with that. The second is to show him how or why something is important and why he is the best person for the job. Your husband loves you, he wants to do things that will make you happy and above all he wants to take care of you. Next time you need the garage cleaned don't follow him around saying "Did you clean the garage yet? Did you clean the garage yet? Did you clean the garage yet?" Instead try something like this,

"Hey, honey do you remember how Billy wanted to set up the garage so that he could practice with his band in there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think that's a great idea. I mean, if he practices here we don't have to worry about him running off and getting into trouble-but the garage is a wreck. I was hoping that you could clean it out for me. There's a lot of your old stuff in there that I wouldn't know what to do with and I don't want to accidentally throw something away that was important. Plus a lot of the stuff is high up and I'm way to short to grab it all."

I can almost guarantee you that if you approach your husband in a rational way like that, explaining why he is needed and the good it will do for you/your family, he will do it. Maybe not on your time frame, but it will get done.

Now it's your turn...

Do Something Nice
Who would you rather to bake cookies for-your Nana Boo Boo who used to read you bedtime stories and have tea parties with you, or your older sister who picked on you your entire life? It might be holier to be kind to your enemies, but it's much easier to be nice to people who are nice to you and this applies in your marriage. If you are kind and thoughtful to your husband he will return the favor. Remember-he really DOES love you or else he would not stick around...even if he doesn't always show it.

Don't wait for him to make the first move-start now! If you know your husband likes coffee in the morning, go ahead and make him a cup just the way he likes it every morning. Take the kids on a walk when he gets home from work and let him rest for a half hour in silence. I challenge you to do at least three thoughtful things a day for your husband. Even if you don't want to. Even if you're fighting and you're ready to scratch his eyeballs out. Think of it like brushing your teeth if you must-once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once in the evening go out of your way to do one special thing you know he'll enjoy purely for his benefit. Do this every day for a month and soon it will become a habit. Just remember-do unto your husband as you would have him do unto you and eventually he'll start doing back, I promise.

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:38

Husbands are As-Is
Marrying a man is kind of like buying a used car in that what you see is what you get. The man you married will change in some ways-he'll get older, go through some ups and downs, require some maintenance, and become little more worn in-but it's likely that no major changes will ever occur in him. So rather than beating your head against a wall trying to make your car magically change from a La Baron to a Mustang, or your husband magically go from a Adam Sandler fanatic to a Lifetime Movie buff, learn to love even the less-than-ideal.

A good basic rule is if he isn't hurting anybody or doing something that is morally wrong let it go. That's right-overlook the dirty laundry, climb over the tools in the kitchen, and accept the fact that he is obsessed with fart jokes. This is the man you married for better or for worse-and they weren't kidding about that last part.

We all have our flaws. You, me, my husband, your husband, our kids, our parents, our pastors, their wives-no one is perfect. No one is enjoyable to be around 24/7. No one is free from bad habits or annoying hobbies. A good rule of thumb is to your best to accept your husband's down falls with the same grace that you give your own.

Sometimes you can't though. Sometimes you've just been dutch ovened one too many times and you MUST say something or you will start bleeding out of your eyeballs. It's okay, I understand-say something. But keep in mind...

Absolutely NO Sniping
What is sniping? Well I guess it depends on who you ask. When I talk about sniping, I mostly mean talking badly behind your husband's back. Almost without exception, if you want to say something negative about your relationship to your girlfriend, sister, or mom you should be saying it to your husband instead-in a constructive way of course. Think about it-if your husband really REALLY pisses you off, what is more effective? If you call your mom and complain you might feel better, but nothing in your relationship will change. No real remedy has been brought to the table.

Sniping is different than seeking advice. Going to someone you trust-your pastor, your parents, your siblings, your friend-and seeking guidance in hard times can be very helpful. I also recommend a lot of prayer and meditation, if you are so inclined. However, there is a big difference between sniping and seeking advice-when you are seeking advice you are going in with a serious heart and you are looking to make changes in your actions. When you are sniping you are angry and looking to unload on somebody.

Sniping can cause really big problems in your relationship. First of all, when you vent your anger to another person you are circumventing your husband (an actual partner in your relationship), which can lead to hurt and distrust. Secondly, when you're letting someone in on your anger you are doing so because you want them to take your side and be angry at your husband with you-and if they actually are, the results can be disastrous. These outside people then have the ability to use those angry words you gave them to drive a wedge in your relationship. It becomes you and them against your husband, and there is nothing worse.

In a marriage it is so so important for it to be you and your husband together against the world. You must be together in everything, even if you're just together in your disagreements, or eventually you won't be together at all.

"But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one." Mark 10:6-8

The last piece of advice I can give you is...

Fake It 'Til You Make It

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:13-14

It's easy to say that we should do ABC to maintain a good marriage while it's on the rocks, but sometimes your heart just isn't in it. I know mine isn't. Sometimes I'm too angry. Sometimes I feel like I just don't care enough to put in the effort because I'm too busy or too tired. It happens to everyone.

Hubby said that it was okay to share our biggest fight with you (don't worry no sniping!), so I will. We have one on-going sticking point in our relationship right now. I call it "who does the most with the least". When we are tired (which we often are) and over worked (which we nearly always are) and the kids are being insane (which they can definitely be) we often fall into the fight of "WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON DOING ANYTHING AROUND HERE?!" It becomes a battle over who does the most on the least amount of sleep and why the other person is such a jerk for sleeping that extra hour/being on the computer/not doing the laundry/never helping with the kids. We have actually spent more than an hour trading "Yeah, well I do THIS"s.

"Yeah, well I work in the middle of the night"

"Yeah, well I'm up with the baby in the middle of the night and then I have to be with the kids when they wake up at six am"

"Yeah, well I'm at work then-working after I've only slept three hours"

"Yeah, well I've only slept five hours in the last three days"

"Yeah, well I've worked 40 hours in the last four days AND I did the laundry. You NEVER do the laundry"

"Yeah, well I'm sorry I'm too busy homeschooling the kids all by myself..."

It gets even uglier from there. We have this fight probably twice a month-do we stop to think that maybe if we weren't spending time fighting after the kids are asleep we could maybe rest up and not be so stupidly grumpy?

Yeah no. We're far beyond rationality at this point. It usually takes us two or three hours to get from there to the part where we admit that the other person does do a lot around the house and with the kids and that we are both just stressed out. From there we kiss and make up and go about our business. Still, for the next couple of days we aren't up to full capacity. We are still kind of testy (because we're both still exhausted) and are usually not feeling super keen on going that extra mile for the other person...but you know what?

WE STILL DO.

Not because we particularly want to. Not because we are really feeling it at the moment. Not because we're really extra people or something. We do it because marriage is a lifetime investment. Just because we're not bursting into musical song about our love at the moment doesn't mean that we don't love each other anymore, or that we are any less committed to being together forever. We have faith that God brought us together for a reason, and that what God has brought together no man or woman can tear asunder (not even us, no matter how much we fight). We have faith that no matter how we feel today we will feel differently soon and that we will grow old together-so we bear with each other, we fake it 'til we make it, and in a day or two we've got that lovin' feeling back.

Marriage is not easy. Call me cliche, but love is a rose-it's got thorns and something sometime is bound to stick in your paw...that doesn't make it any less worthwhile or any less beautiful.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 & 13

Sweet Somethings

Yesterday I talked about the cornerstone of my marriage and how love, and what love means to us keeps us going every day, but today I want to talk about another something-something up my sleeve. A something that brings us together and keeps things interesting day in and day out for seven plus years. Something that is vitally important to our marriage-and that something is sex.

Don't think sex is vitally important to your marriage? Ask your husband for his honest opinion.

There is a stigma around sex, especially in the Christian community. An unspoken idea that "good Christians" all have sex missionary style once a week for fifty years, or only have sex to make babies. Hey I love my babies, but when I have sex it's not about them. My theory is that if sex were meant to be just another boring body maintenance/biological function then it would feel no better than your liver functions. True, having a healthy liver is good but you never really notice your liver until something bad happens to it.

That is not how your sex life should work. Don't put off your sex life until it is all dysfunctional or your marriage will become anemic.

I'm not saying that keeping up a healthy sex life is easy. Hubby and I have three children five and under and we've been together going on eight years. We have major financial stress and extended family stress and job stress and both of us average about 4 hours of sleep per 24 hour period-we just don't have the time or energy for the all day love-ins we used to have. That's life. Still sex is a priority in our lives, and because of that we manage to make love a (what I think is) respectable 3-4 days a week.

How do we keep up in the bedroom? There's a hundred little ways that we maintenance our love life every day, so if you're having a little difficulty try some of these:

Boost Each Other's Egos
You don't even have to be in the bedroom for this, but it definitely puts the idea in your brain. Make it a point to tell your spouse how hot they are as often as you can. Sounds stupid? Well, maybe, but come on-who DOESN'T want to hear how sexy they are? Every time you find yourself thinking how hot your husband is, go ahead and say it out loud. Just a little "I love the way your muscles move when you're bringing in the groceries" or even a "nice butt"-trust me when I say that your husband will LOVE hearing these things and very soon he will start returning the favor.

You're Married-Flirting is Now a Full Body Contact Sport
Go ahead, grab him a little-he's your husband! I promise he won't mind. Don't just sit there-rub his arm. Play with his hair. Kiss his ear. Wear a low cut shirt and do a lot of bending over-whatever you think he will enjoy and again I assure you he will return the favor. Nothing like a few extra squeezes to make sure that you're in the mood when the kids go down for bed (or nap!).

Which reminds me...

Don't Hide From Your Kids
Now I'm not saying you should go Full Monty with the kids in the room, but you know what? Their eyes will not burn out of their heads if they see their parents kissing. Not even if they see their parents kissing a lot. If physical affection between parents hurt children's eyes our oldest would be blind by now, and yet all three of the kidlets have fully intact retinas even after seeing Daddy lift Mommy onto the counter for a kiss when he gets home from work, or seeing Mommy grab Daddy's butt. I personally think it's good for kids to see that their parents have a loving, happy relationship-it gives them a real sense of security. Plus, if you hide all vestiges of playfulness from the kids, when is it gonna happen?

Now that you're both feeling sexy and playful and have been thinking about sex in some form or another all day you're probably ready to run up the stairs once the kids are asleep. Remember though-you don't want to waste your full day of fun on five minutes of wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Here are some general ideas for adding a little fun in.

Dress Up Before You Get Down
At the beginning of our relationship I started a tradition that Hubby absolutely LOVES. For every significant holiday and anniversary since we have been together I get him a present. On the card it says "for me, for you" and inside is a piece of sexy lingerie. [Obviously it's for me to wear and for him to enjoy, that's the point of the card. Well, that and so he doesn't open it up in front of my in laws!]

We (and by we I mean I and especially my husband) love this tradition. Lingerie is not hard to come by, and there are all sorts of different lingerie to try. If you're not sure what to get, or you are a little shy, try shopping online! A good place to start is an online store like Eden Fantasys, which is a good reseller for online "adult shopping" (fair warning if you click over-it's not for little people's eyes!!). A little bit ago my friend Nicole offered me a free gift certificate to try something from the site and while the chemise set that I tried didn't work for me, Nicole was super helpful and very knowledgeable from beginning to end. In fact, if you want a little help getting some ideas I would recommend her-you can get a hold of her on twitter @PoshNicole-and now's a good time since Eden Fantasys is having some great sales in honor of Valentines Day!

If you're not adventurous enough for Eden (even I couldn't get out of the lingerie section), you can always try the oldie but goodie Victoria's Secret. There's also Fredrick's of Hollywood for the slightly more adventurous, and Lane Bryant for those who are particularly buxom like myself, all of which have online stores. If you're looking for a deal and are willing to shop in person I recommend Target, WalMart, or Fred Meyer/Kroger.

Set The Mood However You Want
Romantic sex is lovely. It's the epitome of the term 'making love' and is very emotionally important for marriages. Candles, wine, flowers, and bubble baths all have their time honored place in the halls of love making history for a reason, and it never hurts to go to the tried and true. Still, it also doesn't hurt to try something new! As long as you and your husband are both interested, there are really no ideas that aren't worth trying once. Here's A GREAT idea that your husband will LOVE-ask him to share something he's always wanted to do or try and then, unless you are very against it, go ahead and give it a whirl! Sometimes things that you never thought of, or never thought you'd like, turn out pretty awesome (who knows, maybe you could like playing pilot and stewardess!).

The idea here is that your bedroom is yours-no one is peeking in and no one can tell you that you're wrong or bad for doing something that you both want to do, so be yourselves!

These are just a few of the things that I've found over the years. Maybe what I've suggested wouldn't work between you and your husband and that's cool-every one is different. The main idea of this whole post though applies to us all. Sex is vital to good marriages-it has been since Biblical times, and always will be. So whatever your style, make a move on your Hubby.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer.....may you ever be captivated by her love.-Proverbs 5:18-19

[Image from Nelson Wedding Photography]

Like a Rock

Challenges like we are going through right now are not new to either mine or Hubby's lives. Separately as children and together as adults we have been through some incredible valleys in our time. Still, no matter what we've been through and no matter what the future holds we know that our relationship is solid.

God loves us. The sun rises. High tide, low tide, the cycle of seasons, growing, aging, and life changes will never fail to happen-but just as surely as these things never fail us we know that our relationship will be hold just as fast.

Sadly, this is not very common anymore. Many people give up long before the seven year mark that we celebrated last November, and even more will give up long before death parts them-so what makes us so special? I think it's all in how we view love. This is what love means to us...[The parts in bold are from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) but even if you aren't Christian I think that the way we apply these things into our lives has a place in anyone's relationship.]

Love is patient...we wait for each other and on each other. We don't belittle each other if one of us grows into understanding that the other does not have yet, and we devote ourselves to working for the good of the other person.

Love is kind...we take every opportunity to be thoughtful and considerate. Every single day we share at least one thing we love about each other.

Love does not envy...we do not compete with each other. It's not about who is better at something, it's about accomplishing it together. We are always a we.

Love does not boast...in order to put yourself above everyone else, you must put others down. Marriage is the opposite-it's about building each other up, not parading your "I did so much better than you"s in front of each other.

Love is not proud...when we need help, we ask each other. Turning to your spouse in times of need, allowing your spouse to be in on your less-than-fabulous side, will slowly knit your lives together forever.

Love is not rude...we do our best to treat each other with the up most respect. We still fight of course, but we always apologize, make amends, and go to bed happy.

Love is not self seeking...my priority is my husband, and his priority is me-we take care of each other in ways that we could not even take care of ourselves and our marriage is strong for it.

Love is not easily angered...I think this is the hardest one in practice, and yet the solution is so simple-if your spouse is not hurting themselves, you, or your children let it go. So what if you have to put the toilet seat down, or if it takes her 2 hours to get ready? Is that really damaging your greater quality of life? Then just relax-think of it as a way to show your love for even your spouses less attractive habits.

Love keeps no records of wrongs...marriage is not a tally of who did what and remember-that-time-you-did-that-thing-now-don't-you-feel-guiltys. Harboring anger or resentment in your heart hardens that part of your heart toward your spouse, and it will only be a matter of time before your entire heart is turned away from them.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in righteousness...we want good things for each other, and we want to do good things. We find our joy in doing what is right by each other even if it is less convenient or even less desirable to us than what we would otherwise have planned on doing.

Love always protects...we protect each other in every way, and-very importantly-even from ourselves. I don't make my husband out to be the bad guy behind his back. Ever. And I can say with absolute certainty that my husband has never painted me in an unkind light to someone else. We don't think that the other is perfect, but we guard each other's backs from negativity, even at our own hands (or mouths).

Always trusts...we believe in each other always-we have faith in each other always. Sometimes life is hard and one of us makes a bad decision but we will never, ever give up on the good person that we know we married.

Always hopes...there is no limit to the good we see for each other. We will always keep hoping, always keep cheer leading, and always keep supporting each other.

Always preserves...we do not give up. We do not throw our hands in the air, or give time limits or ultimatums. Ours is a life long journey hand in hand, and if it doesn't work so well today we'll do it again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next, and the next until the other characteristics of our love bring us back to where we want to be. Our love is forever.

Because love never fails.

The Who What Now?

Apparently somebody won the Super Bowl yesterday. Uh...woo? Or not woo. Whichever way you feel I'm on your side. I mean, why not? I couldn't care less and here's the thing-I don't have to. Hubby has absolutely zero interest in sports of any kind including but not limited to football. I learned more about sports in 9th grade gym than Hubby has ever bothered to learn in his entire life-if it were possible to have negative interest in it he would-so I am never subjected to sports fanaticism, and for that I am truly grateful.

Actually, I have never been forced to "watch the game". I think the closest anyone in my family ever got to a sports team was when my sister played in the high school marching band. We're not against physical activity (not that there is really any activity involved in watching someone else play sports), and it's not like we don't have interests. My dad is fanatical about World War II planes. He watches History Channel like a fiend. My step mom is really into ancient Egypt and could literally bury you alive in the books she has about Pharaohs and mummies and stuff. Hubby loves LOVES cars and drawing (and drawing cars) and his sketch pad is never far away from him. Hubby and I both are into politics-we discuss political history, law, and current affairs on an almost daily basis. As for my own personal obsession, I'm a word nerd. I am interested in everything from classic lit to research papers to Scrabble, and I consider Googling to be a past time. We understand getting excited.

We just don't understand getting excited about sports.

We have gained a fanatic in my brother in law. He is genuinely interested in sports-and considering that he is 6'7 and has been playing sports since he was a kid there's really little doubt as to why. He watches and actively cares about every sport on the planet all the way down to ping pong, which I wasn't even aware counted as a sport. Naturally, my sister now does a lot of sitting and nodding. Sometimes she'll call and will tell me about it and I'll be honest-I get bored just hearing about other people watching sports...that's why Hubby's lack of sports team loyalty is just one of the million things I love about him.

I am thinking a lot about love lately, what with Valentine's Day coming up on Sunday, so I've decided that this week I am going to blog something on the topic of love every day. Today it's all about my love for my husband's NON love of sports.

Ours is a match made in nerd heaven.

Sunday Ten Spot: Leading Women

The Ten Best Female Characters of All Time [according to me]

10-9. Rory and Lorelei of Gilmore Girls
Separately as characters they were pretty good but not nearly as good as they were together. Together they created a back-and-forth pop reference based relationship that was almost a character in and of itself.

8. Kat of 10 Things I Hate About You
Yes I know this is based on Taming of the Shrew, and nine times out of ten I side with the Bard over remakes, but I'm going to have to go with modern society on this one. This 90s retelling paints a portrait of Kat (the shrew) that is just so honest and colorful and is, even to this Shakespeare-lover, so much more compelling than her paper counterpart. So sue me.
7.Carmen (of the Opera by the same name)
This fiery, fickle, femme fatale is one of the great female characters. Not great because she possesses much virtue, but she is certainly larger than life and she paints a portrait of the negative side of femininity taken to the extreme.

6. Buffy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Just the idea of Buffy is awesome-what would happen if a valley girl teenager was suddenly The Chosen Vampire Slayer? See-it even sounds funny. Managing to be quirky, witty, and girly while being complex, poignant, and sympathetic is not an easy feat for one character, but I think she manages to do it.

5. Jo March of Little Women
One of the major reasons why I wanted to grow up to be a writer (mission...kind of accomplished?), Josephine March is a dynamic and charismatic female character who, despite her dreadful dreadful actions toward Laurie, we can all love.

4. Temperance Brennan of Bones
Calculating genius Bones solves super complicated murder cases with her logic and still manages to turn up the temp with Hottie McHotterson Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) proving that smart chicks can be sexy too.

3. Scout Finch of To Kill A Mockingbird
One of the best, most human narrators in all of fiction Scout both tells of and embodies the reality of growing up and the struggle to believe in the goodness of people while facing some of the most ugly things that people have ever done.

2. Elizabeth Bennet of Pride and Prejudice
One of my very favorite female characters, she was definitely ahead of her time. Head strong, independent, and witty to boot she was feminist before it was popular and yet not afraid to love Darcy with her whole heart (in the end).

1. Scarlet O'Hara of Gone With the Wind
How could she not be on this list? How could she not be number one? Scarlett O'Hara is a legendary female character-I would even go so far as to say she herself is the epic of this story. Determined, shrewd, and brutally cold hearted she is not a particularly likeable character in my opinion, but she is still written in such a way that you can absolutely understand all of her many dimensions, and so frankly my dear I don't give a damn.